Parenting Pitfalls

This morning I fell down the stairs.

More accurately, I tripped on a tennis ball while my arms were loaded down with kids' crap and I landed in a pile of hard plastic Nerf guns, but ya, fell down the stairs covers it.

One day, I would love to wake up and my house not be some long lost Aztec temple filled with boobie traps. #BigDreams #WishfulThinking

Earn Your Keep

We all know that our parents walked 5 miles to school, even in the foulest weather, uphill, both ways and when they weren't in school, they were working in the coal mines or begging in the streets or something or other.

I'm pretty sure that I did those things too. I certainly remember having to wait until a certain time for shows to come on the tv, once a week, complete with commercials and everything. And that internet thing? Still a dark op buried in DARPA.

Today's children have it easy - on demand everything, numerous screens, a huge variety of activities and experiences. They eat well, have fun, have too many toys and lots of tech.  But are they learning responsibility, and, more importantly, when can they begin to make my life easier? 

Our guys are generally pretty self-sufficient (can get themselves food, water, even get dressed and brush their teeth), but now they've hit 7 and 4, we've started to introduce them to some more chores. Clearing their plates is great, now to actually get them into the dishwasher. The plates, not the kids. They seem to enjoy bringing the garbage bins in and out, although it's been a little tough explaining this only happens once a week. Putting their toys away? I've given up not stepping on LEGOs and instead have simply armoured myself (best slippers ever by the way). 

Here in Toronto, I 'm not worried about mowing our postage stamp lawn, but shovelling the driveway would really be something. What do you have your sprogets doing around the house? And what age do child labour laws no longer apply?

Quiet Time

It only happens once in a while, but sometimes the boys do enjoy a bit of quiet time.

Now to teach them to sleep in on Saturdays . . .

Adventure Close to Home

Some days it can be a bit of a production to get the family out the door. Thankfully, it's a quick trip to get to the Brickworks. Evergreen has done some great work re-naturalizing the former brick foundry and quarry. A little bit of nature, right in the heart of Toronto.

Every trip we see some more wildlife, from rabbits to turtles to hawks. And the odd hipster.

Head on out and explore the wilds just outside your front door.

Getting Old is Awesome

It's a birthday, time to celebrate!

This year marks a big one for Canada. It's the big 150. To celebrate, Parks Canada is offering free admission to National Park and Historic sites for the whole year. All you need to do is order your free pass online.

There are some wonderful places in this great land. Now's your chance to visit them. No excuses!

#Canada150

Spring?

Seems winter isn't giving up this year. Time to make the best of it.

#snowballs

Holiday Helper

The little guy loves helping with the groceries.

If only we can get him to put away the lego and the shopkins. #ouch

Christmas is Coming

It's December 1st, and while the snow hasn't settled in, yet, Christmas is less than four weeks away. As always, it's time to manage expectations for the wee ones - Christmas is in sight, but still far enough away. Thankfully our parenting predecessors figured this one out already, hence the Advent Calendar. Sure, sure, there was probably some religious and ceremonial significance when they first emerged a few hundred years ago, but we'll take the parenting help where we can get it.

As a child, I loved those little chocolates hidden behind the flaps. Looking back, I'm not sure my parents were the biggest fans of chocolate before breakfast. These days, however, we have lots of options. Our boys are excited to start assembling there scenes - Star Wars LEGO for the big one, Playmobil NHL Hockey for the littler one. It'll be nice to be hoisting Lord Stanley's cup in our living room, even if it is in miniature.

Now I just need to get myself some slippers to avoid stepping on all those little pieces of plastic.

Full Disclosure: Playmobil provided a sample product free of charge, opinions are my own.

Vids for Kids

As is the case every year, the Skylanders franchise has released another edition, just in time for the holidays. This year it's the Imaginators edition.

I had thought that the boys had grown weary of the Skylanders concept, but this time it's back with some pop. For the first time, the graphics are crisp and sharp (and we are on a lowly Wii U). The irreverent humour is back in spades and this time, thankfully, there is much less Flynn.

The new toys are cool, but pricey as always at launch. Our favourite so far is the just-in-time for the holidays Jingle Bell Chompy Mage.

The twist this time around is that you can design your own Skylanders. As you progress through the game, you collect bits - arms, legs, tails, heads, catchphrases etc. You then stick assemble them how you like and voila, your own Skylander in the game.

There's also a nice tie-in with the Netflix Original series Skyladers Academy. The Norm Macdonald-voiced Glumshanks is a personal fave.

Full Disclosure: Activision provided a promotional copy, all opinions are my own.

Get It In Ya!

This summer I had had enough.

You know your typical day as a parent. You start it tired. Your initial fatigue is somewhat proportional to midnight munchkin visits. I tend to lose count around four or five.

Then you have to actually get out of the house - battles over breakfast; confrontations over clothing; tortuous tooth brushing. Just getting them to daycare or school is an epic saga whose protagonists sap your strength and weaken your will more than the one ring to rule them all, without that useful invisibility bonus. And if you think Tolkien went a little long, my utterances would fill volumes, although there are only so many ways to say "Put your shoes on!"

The commute comes next. Daily I mourn the career that could have been-  me, an F1 champion. Mirabeau has nothing on the crucible of Toronto traffic, backseat shenanigans, multiple drop offs and the need to get to work sometime before noon. I need a whole pit crew just to clean out the backseat.

After a day at the office, itself no picnic and I think sort of important given the need for food on table and a roof overhead, it's time to take to the streets again. The trip home has the added heartpounding of a James Bond thriller (with none of the witty banter) as the "late pickup" timebomb ticks inexonerably down towards zero. $5 for 1 minute? Sure! No allowances for that four car pileup, you say? Of course!

Then, if you've remembered the dry cleaning or the groceries or the trip to the pharmacy, you arrive home. The ungrateful brats demand to be fed. Why yes, wouldn't we all, but instead they would also like to play in the garden, go to the park, dump out the nicely folded laundry, battle each other like mini-gladiators or some other activity that is ocertainly not going to get that food on the table in a jiffy. Once you have moved heaven and earth to cook, from scratch, a healthy, family meal for all to enjoy (we deserve awards for this), they proceed to turn up their noses, dump their plates on the floor and whip their milk across the room.

Yes. This is where I had had enough. And an epiphany.

Forget family dinners. Sure it's what you are supposed to do as a good parent, but it was making me a basketcase. A bad parent.

Now we cook something quick and easy that they will eat, and often it can still be healthy (I said often, not always). After they are in bed, then we can enjoy our own more civilized meal. We can still do a family meal or two on weekends, but it doesn't always fit in the gauntlet of modern family life. I'm ok with that.

Big Boy Bed

Mornings for the past few weeks have been earlier and more sudden than in recent memory.

Rather than a distant, if persistent, cry, wail or general agitation, it's there. Right there. Jumping into the bed with us, bouncing on us, pulling, tugging, yelling, licking and generally getting his way. "We're up! We're up!"

I had thought that he was making big strides. I thought that he could handle it. And he can. It's just me that can't.

By the third weekend, I was starting to feel we had this one figured out. A bit rough sure, but figured out. We were just going to have to get up when he did. I made peace with that.

So he changed it.

Sunday morning. Early. I heard the patter of the little feet, but instead of down the hallway to our room, I heard the stairs creak. I unclenched by body, conditioned by the mornings of Wrestlemania Volume 648. But no.

He'd gone downstairs. Quiet.

Was his brother up?

Yes.

Could he handle the little guy?

For sure. They'll just watch some tv.

Wait. What?!

Could we sleep in? We went for it. Visions of sleep, pillows and actual rest dancing across my eyelids.

Still quiet. That was it. We were starting to drift off again.

"Mommy!"

Please let it be just one plaintive cry.

"Mommy!"

Ok, two was still fine. Maybe I could get that dream back.

"Mommy! MOMMY!"

If it's really important he'll come and get us, or his brother will. Right?

"I need Ketchup!"

What?

"Ketchuuuuuuuup!"

This was getting more insistent by the moment.

"Ketchup! Ketchup! KETCHUP!"

Am I dreaming? Why the blazes does he need ketchup? Surely I'm hearing this wrong.

"KETCHUP . . . FOR MY MAC N CHEESE!"

But he's not yelling for Mommy to get the Mac N Cheese, which means, which means he already has it. Dreams of a morning sleep-in, or dare I say it, even a snuggle, were replaced with Mac n Cheese ground into the hardwood, with the pasta smeared on the walls, with all that dairy goodness adorning our living room couch. Did I mention we have a white couch? Or at least it used to be.

So yes. We were up. And every morning since.

Best not to think about it.

What does the future hold?

I worry more, now that I'm a parent.

Losing Them in the Woods

The boys are getting to an age where we are starting to engage in more independent activities. We still have family outings, but the little guys are starting to develop their own activities and interests. Apart from playing chauffeur more often, this often means that I'm ferrying one around while supermom is dealing with the other.

As they grow, we're are also noticing that it's getting a bit more crowded in our "cozy" house. On top of each other with energy to burn, lounging around the house on a Saturday just doesn't work anymore. So we get them out and doing stuff. Whether we are up to it or not. This is easier in the summer where only a water bottle and sunscreen replace the boots, snowpants, touques, mitts, jackets, long undies, neck warmers . . . but it's still not easy.

Often I offer the most resistance, wishing by some miracle that I might find myself dozing between the sheets or have time to slowly sip my coffee while perusing a thick, weekend edition newspaper. Supermom often has the brain wave, and, once finally out and about, I begrudingly have to admit she was right. Again.

Sometimes, if I'm really brave or really owe her one, I'll take both boys on one these excursions solo. This has definitely gotten more frequent as #MaxLoco has grown from toddler to pre-schooler. At least now he'll listen to about half of what I say before he ignores it.

The watershed moment was last fall. One of my wife's best friends in the whole world (friends since childhood, roomates after university, you know the kind) was getting married. The ceremony was at a beautiful fishing resort, over 4,000kms away, on Vancouver Island. Her sister was going too. So my brother-in-law and I had a plan. We'd spend the weekend with the bulk of the boys up at the cottage.

Packing up was easy and we each hit the road from our respective ends of the city. Leaving the skyline behind, I noticed a dark line cutting across the horizon. Ominously dark. Unfortunately the boys are too young to grasp my Mordor references. Then we were into it. Blackness cut by sheet lighting while furious thunderclaps shook the car. The rain was punding on the roof so violently it almost drowned out the little one's shrieks of terror. I had troubles of my own, whiteknuckling the car through quickly deepening lake that used to be a highway.

Eventually the storm subsided and we pressed on, finally arriving at a dark cottage road. The high beams quickly picked up the branches, splinters and detritus littering the narrow track. Broken trees lined the lane, snapped like matchsticks. As we crested the hill I could see an entire tree dangling over the road, held up only by the power line. So much for electricity. My brother in law arrived about five minutes later and we made the trek down to the lakefront together. It was evident the power was out. In the darkness we could make out that a another tree had come down, a massive oak, but thankfully six inches to the west of the cottage.

We made sure there were no immediate hazards (trees about to crush the cottage, rabid black bears, a sufficient supply of cold beers), and, with a roof over our heads, decided to revisit things in the morning. It was pretty obvious that we'd be turning around and heading back to the city. We got the boys settled and hunkered down.

The next morning was beautiful. The lake was silent. Otherworldly silent. Still no power. Our thinking then quickly proceeded along these lines:

• decide to go home
• decide the weather is actually pretty nice
• decide to buy a chainsaw
• decide that we can in fact stick it out

So we did. The power came back, for a bit. Just enough to flush the loo a couple of times. Perfect. As darkness fell, we knew we had made the right decision. So we pushed it one further:

• decide, with the boys tucked tightly into bed, to rewards selves with beer at the firepit. Did I mention the firepit is up a steep path on top of a hill, some distance away from the cottage?

Upon reflection, it made have been prudent to lash the little ones to their beds, or at least lock the cottage door. Up at the firepit, a few beers and quite a few logs later, I thought I heard a whimpering, so I trekked back down to the cottage. In my haste I tripped over a shoe. How did that get there? The youngest was bawling.

Oops.

It didn't take long to settle him down, but campfire time was over. I could see the others still in their beds. Relief. All were safe and sound. My brother-in-law came back down too to see what was up. It was only then that the eldest came bounding through the screen door. Turns out he had gone looking for us. For some time. In the dark. With only one shoe. We didn't put that detail together until the next morning.

All in all it was a great weekend. The boys had a blast, despite storms (turns out there had been a tornado on the lake) and nightime shennanigans.

On the way back to the city, we thought it best to gloss over some of the details of the second night when telling our wives about the weekend. That didn't last long. Those little rats chatterboxes will get you every time.

Catch me if you can!

MaxLoco in his natural environment

'Round the ROM

Look over there!

Living in Toronto we are spoiled with the great variety of activities for kids. For Christmas this year we received a Family Membership to the Royal Ontario Museum - the ROM.

It's great fun. 

There is a ton to look at: 

• animals and insects;
• dinosaurs and fossils;
• ancient cultural treasures and clothing;
• gemstones and natural wonders;
• and don't forget the knights (did I mention we are in to those right now?).

We've been a few times, but have yet to see the whole place.

Beautiful Bugs 

As for many of these types of attractions, I highly recommend the family membership. It only takes a few visits to pay it off, it acts as a motivational destination when you just can't think of something to do, and it provides the freedom to leave. 

We've all been there. 

That says Don't Touch!

You know that place where we've shelled out the exorbitant entry fee, but the kids just aren't having it. Instead of taking in the beauty and the wonder (why aren't you learning?!?), they are in full-on meltdown mode. One is screaming, the other is tearing the place up. If yfou have a third they are already lost somewhere. There are the disapproving looks from the other patrons, the ones you just want to stick your tongue out at, or some other less more appropriate gesture.

As a parent, you're either exhausterd or frustrated or have just plain had it. Most likely all three. That's the beauty of the membership. You can call it. Pack 'em up and head her home. No harm, no foul. Try again another day. There is no sunk cost, no sticking it out, no need to "get your money's worth". Did I mention I was a fan of this approach? 

Ya. I think I did.

Boy in the Bubble

A great boys day out!

A Land of LEGO?

We are big LEGO fans. We've been building Duplo and LEGO for years. I loved it as a kid and now my boys love it.


Oh yes, I still love it too.


Our house is filled with those multicoloured bricks and the limitless creations built out of them. Sure I curse when I step on one, but it's a small price to pay.



Recently we had the opportunity to visit the LEGOland Discovery Centre in Toronto. We had a great time.

We trained like LEGO ninjas in the Ninjago exhibit. We built race cars, and raced them down ramps. We played in the playground with giant foam bricks and danced with the LEGO Friends. It was a nice balance for two very different boys of different ages.

Kai & Ollie

The big guy was thrilled to be able to trade some of his minifigures having recently gotten five of the same character in the most recent minifigure series (what are the odds of that?!).

The staff were great. They loved the LEGO as much as the kids and were quick to share their excitement. There is a good variety of activities. The cafe could be improved - there's not much beyond pizza and sandwhiches, but you're not their for the food.

And of course you have run the gauntlet of the retail store as you exit, but to be expected. They do have a great selection of LEGO products.

Aliens!

The big guy was keen to attend the Master Builder Academy. He clearly views this as a trial run for his post-secondary endaevours given how his current career of choice is Master Builder. In the Academy we built our very own aliens.

Concentration of a Master Builder

We had such a good time that when it came time to ask the big guy what he wanted to do for his brithday the answer was easy: LEGOland!

Did I mention? 

Everything is Awesome!

Disclosure: LEGOland provided complimentary admission

The Caged Beast

The boy likes to move.

Ho Ho Ho!

The big guy wasn't thrilled to meet the real big guy, but he did manage to get through his wishlist.

'Tis the Season, for some Christmas readin'

As the days tick off the advent calendar and the Elf on the Shelf finds himself less and less original, as we move from shopping to actually wrapping (!), the season is upon us. It's a special time of year and for bedtime we've pulled out some of our favourite Christmas stories.

Another story before bed? Yes! 

Just let me top-off my eggnog.